All posts filed under: Feel

Soul, Stand Still.

  As I peeled and cut vegetables for my stew I couldn’t help but gaze out the kitchen window. It was the first day of summer and Summer solstice. I began to cook and write…. Solstice With the changing of seasons brings thoughts of endings and new beginnings. The line between the two have always been blurred for me, yet the stillness of thoughts and spirit forces hands open, freeing all that confines. I look forward to change, movement and growth as closed hearts cannot truly hear the rustling in the leaves, I too want to hear their whispers, add bass to their song.  I sit in grass, legs folded, fingers stroking blades back arched, head tilted up, awaiting the embrace. Communing with thoughts I say, “soul, be still”.  I am kissed by the sun, soft at first then penetrating intensely. With eyes shut, opening, I receive the gift.  Natures music begins, I hear her melody and my heart responds with deep resounding cries of love. I can remember distinctly the spicy curry chicken and rice my mother would …

Intimacy = In To Me See

Sometimes we seek answers to questions, despite the fact we may know the answer. We ask seeking validation, clarity,  or maybe we don’t want to make the wrong decision. Oftentimes the silence responds, and you see clearly the answers are standing right in front of your face and you realize some things are better off left unsaid. With no expectations, I am grateful for the little things, reconnecting to self, and I love my flowers. KiKi

Making Love To Myself And It Started With Red Velvet Pancakes.

A friend called me weird prefacing it with the old ‘in a good way” line.  You see, I cringe when I watch a romantic movie. I vacillate between laughter at the most inopportune time, or shaking my head at the goofiness of the dialogue. Oftentimes, I leave the room, theater, or fast forward through intimate scenes even if I’m by myself. There are so many romantic movies I cannot stomach to watch, because I just find them amusing. But on the other hand I can watch movies like “The Notebook”, or “Lady Sings the Blues” until the shiny side of the disk begins to peel away  like tinsel. Now my friend found the idea of me being weird, and unusual because, while I find the display of romanticism corny, hilarious, and at times embarrassing to watch, I am a very romantic being. Honestly, I feel like I need it when in a relationship like I need air to breathe. I was also told I would never find a man who could be as romantic, since …

It Doesn’t Come As A Surprise, And That’s The Sad Part

It is not everyday I am surprised by the things, sounds, images, or people I encounter on a daily basis. Although I do not wish to be, I realized I have become desensitized to things my mind, and heart should not recognize as normal everyday occurrences, or behaviors. Like the aging woman at the end of the train car surrounded by luggage consisting of worn, black plastic bags held together by patches of gray silvery duct tape. She is whispering inaudibly to herself while eating from a crumbled bag of sour cream, and onion potato chips with a white plastic spoon oblivious to the fact that I watch her. It is not with pitying eyes I see her, as others do, and it is also not in bewilderment, or dismay. It is most certainly not with disgust that I look on like the two teenage girls who laugh, and mock her. The woman looks at them both before screaming “ugly, both of you are ugly, just ugly”. The girls laugh louder, as they look over …

The Detoxer, The Big Ol’e Pot Of Fire Roasted Chili, Gratitude, And Change.

Day 7 on the Master Cleanse, and I hovered anxiously over pots like a pro. I didn’t crave the chili, at all, and cooking the turkey turned my stomach a little. Now the cornbread, oh that’s another story. I craved it as I mixed it, when I added the butter, as it was cooking, and when it came out the oven, I looked, turned, and told my son to enjoy his meal. I remember growing up a neighbor called me cornbread, because I would carry a piece outside in foil, and eat it before I played. So my son wanted chili, which is kind of unusual, since most young people don’t request beans, or vegetables for dinner. It may have had a lot to do with the whole Polar Vortex thing that has held us all in its icy grips.  It brought single digits temperatures to New York, and almost unbearable double digits inside my apartment. Nevertheless, I am grateful to have heat, and an apartment, since there was a winter, I found myself homeless, …